Does anyone else have that dream where you get into a fight and find there’s no power there – you hit, but it just feels like your arms won’t work properly? I get this quite a lot, and I’m sure it’s all about feeling powerless. Despite training in martial arts, I’m always convinced I wouldn’t be able to defend myself if I actually got into a fight. I’ve always been more of a kicker and never felt I had much power or speed in my hands.
In the gym yesterday, there were a couple of guys hitting some pads. I really felt, after a fairly frustrating day, like I could do with hitting something. When they paused after one guy had done a 2 minute set, I asked the other whether he could hold them for me so that I could get out some frustration. They kind of gave me an odd look – I’m quite small and was dressed in bright pink trousers and a new top, probably looking like a bit of a gym bunny. However, when I hit them, it felt so natural and made that perfect satisfying smack. The guys looked pretty shocked and impressed too, which pleased me despite my feminist-ness!
I’ve recently started working on my upper body strength doing some handweight and kettle bell work and I’m starting to feel like it’s paying back and I’m getting some strength.
For me, the focus on developing muscle and strength has really helped improve my body image. I don’t worry so much about how much I eat, and probably think more about what I eat. I’m really trying to stop comparing my body to other people, and in developing muscle I don’t care if other people are slimmer than me. I no longer want to be skinny, I want to be strong and awesome.
Somewhere in here I have a point. I will write a more polished something when I’ve reflected on it a bit more.